(Warning: More No-No-Words Will Be Used in this Review Than Usual) The very first advance movie screening I went to was for Mr. Peabody and Sherman in 2014. My dad worked at a newspaper then, and the movie reviewer couldn't make it to the screening, so he gave us his tickets. At that time, I … Continue reading The Movie ‘Dolittle’ Made Me Want To Die – Movie Review
Weathering With You is a strikingly beautiful and intensely relatable sophomore feature from director Makoto Shinkai about weather and love. Your Name, Shinkai's first film, is the highest grossing anime film of all time as well as one of the best reviewed movies of 2016. I haven't seen Your Name, because I'm an awful person, … Continue reading Weathering With You – Incomplete Movie Review
When Like a Boss' credits rolled, I experienced something I had never experienced before in my extensive career of moviegoing. I could feel the movie leaving my brain. I felt an actual sensation in my noggin that could only be explained by the events of Like a Boss fleeing my memory. This may be the … Continue reading ‘Like a Boss’ is a Movie I Watched – Movie Review
The Grudge is a very cliche and very not good movie that held my interest because of its amazingly talented cast and interesting use of time. It weaves four mediocre stories together in a way that switches between feeling really clever, and super surface-level and rushed. But it was always watchable for me because each … Continue reading I Have a Bit of a Grudge With ‘The Grudge’ (2020) – Movie Review
Underwater is a claustrophobic horror film that takes place 7 miles underwater. (Jeepers, that’s the title!) If this came out in any other month, I’d be pretty excited for this flick. But it doesn’t. It came out in January, the shitty month where studios dump their shitty shit movies. There are some exceptions, (see Split) … Continue reading Underwater – Wet ‘N Wild Movie Review
Richard Jewell, Dark Waters, and The Report are three movies that I liked, but don’t know if I’m allowed to. This is because they are all movies based on real events that I know jack-shit about. So, I’m going to go through them one at a time and say why I liked them, and show … Continue reading My Review of Three “True Story” Movies That I Don’t Feel Qualified to Review (Richard Jewell, Dark Waters, and The Report)
I Lost My Body is a French animated romance film that heavily features a disembodied hand. I could not have been more excited. And it delivers. Tragically, most people associate animation with children's content. This is super sad, not only because these people are missing out on a lot of dope flicks, it's sad because … Continue reading I Lost My Body – Movie Review
Yes, there is a Playmobil movie. Yes, it was released in theaters. Yes, I was the only one in said theater. Yes, it's a ripoff of the LEGO Movie. Yes, it is a gigantic critical and commercial failure. And yes, I kind of liked it. It's dumb, it's got some groaners here and there, and … Continue reading Playmobil: The Movie – Movie Review
I liked it when the dogs didn't talk.
If I was to imagine how director Sam Mendes pulled this movie off, even just for a few seconds, my mind would collapse into a puddle of goo. 1917 is a war film that is made to look like one shot. Welcome to Bonkers Town, Population: 1917. But Sam did it. That silly bastard did … Continue reading 1917 – Movie Review
Movie Mort 