The Final Five Theater Experiences I Had Before They All Went Away (Very Sad)

So, I don't know if you've heard, but there's this virus thing going around. And not only is it potentially lethal, it's also  messing with my movie-watching vis-à-vis shutting down all the theaters. So if you're reading this, Covid-19... back the hell off! What you're doing here, it's not cool. Staying home from school and … Continue reading The Final Five Theater Experiences I Had Before They All Went Away (Very Sad)

The Invisible Man (2020) Movie Review – A Horror MASTAPEECE!

In 2018, director Leigh Whannell blessed humanity with the beautiful and badass motion picture by the name of Upgrade. After that wonder of a film, I was an official Whannell Fanboy. Upgrade didn't make anywhere near as much as it should have, but that didn't matter much. Because my boy Whannell knows how to budget a … Continue reading The Invisible Man (2020) Movie Review – A Horror MASTAPEECE!

February Movie Review 6-Pack (Call of the Wild, Sonic the Hedgehog, Horse Girl, Shaun the Sheep: Farmageddon, and More!)

Horse Girl Horse Girl is a Netflix original film that begins as a quirky rom-com and ends as psychological horror. It stars Alison Brie (GLOW, Community, Bojack Horseman) as Sarah, a introverted lover of crafts, horses, and a Supernatural-esque TV show. Things are going pretty good for her, but that all changes when her wack … Continue reading February Movie Review 6-Pack (Call of the Wild, Sonic the Hedgehog, Horse Girl, Shaun the Sheep: Farmageddon, and More!)

MovieMort’s Academy Awards 2020: What The Oscar Nominations Would Look Like If They Were Correct

I've seen 119 movies that came out in 2019. Here are my Oscar Nominations. The real Oscars are tonight, but they got it completely wrong because it wasn't exactly my picks. Disgusting. My winners are bold, and my runnerups are slanty boys. BEST PICTURE I Lost My Body Jojo Rabbit Joker Little Women Marriage Story Once … Continue reading MovieMort’s Academy Awards 2020: What The Oscar Nominations Would Look Like If They Were Correct

January Movie Review 6-Pack (The Gentlemen, The 40-Year-Old Version, Gretel and Hansel, and More!)

Uh oh! I slacked off again! Here are my quick thoughts on six flicks I saw in January, in order of how much I liked them. The Gentlemen After the incredibly successful 2019 Aladdin, director Guy Ritchie has returned to form and made a stylized shooty gun movie. Thank Hollywood Heaven for that, because this … Continue reading January Movie Review 6-Pack (The Gentlemen, The 40-Year-Old Version, Gretel and Hansel, and More!)

I Have a Bit of a Grudge With ‘The Grudge’ (2020) – Movie Review

The Grudge is a very cliche and very not good movie that held my interest because of its amazingly talented cast and interesting use of time. It weaves four mediocre stories together in a way that switches between feeling really clever, and super surface-level and rushed. But it was always watchable for me because each … Continue reading I Have a Bit of a Grudge With ‘The Grudge’ (2020) – Movie Review

Underwater – Wet ‘N Wild Movie Review

Underwater is a claustrophobic horror film that takes place 7 miles underwater. (Jeepers, that’s the title!) If this came out in any other month, I’d be pretty excited for this flick. But it doesn’t. It came out in January, the shitty month where studios dump their shitty shit movies. There are some exceptions, (see Split) … Continue reading Underwater – Wet ‘N Wild Movie Review