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MovieMort’s Academy Awards 2020: What The Oscar Nominations Would Look Like If They Were Correct

I've seen 119 movies that came out in 2019. Here are my Oscar Nominations. The real Oscars are tonight, but they got it completely wrong because it wasn't exactly my picks. Disgusting. My winners are bold, and my runnerups are slanty boys. BEST PICTURE I Lost My Body Jojo Rabbit Joker Little Women Marriage Story Once … Continue reading MovieMort’s Academy Awards 2020: What The Oscar Nominations Would Look Like If They Were Correct →

Bad Boys For Life – Shooty Shooty Movie Review

These boys did some shooting, and these boys did some cussing. MASTAPEECE! 10/10 PICTURE! That was, as said in Bad Boys For Life, a "little jokey-joke". Except for the first part. The boys do kill and swear. But it's far from MASTAPEECE status. This third entry in the Bad Boys franchise follows Mike (Will Smiff) … Continue reading Bad Boys For Life – Shooty Shooty Movie Review →

I Have a Bit of a Grudge With ‘The Grudge’ (2020) – Movie Review

The Grudge is a very cliche and very not good movie that held my interest because of its amazingly talented cast and interesting use of time. It weaves four mediocre stories together in a way that switches between feeling really clever, and super surface-level and rushed. But it was always watchable for me because each … Continue reading I Have a Bit of a Grudge With ‘The Grudge’ (2020) – Movie Review →

Underwater – Wet ‘N Wild Movie Review

Underwater is a claustrophobic horror film that takes place 7 miles underwater. (Jeepers, that’s the title!) If this came out in any other month, I’d be pretty excited for this flick. But it doesn’t. It came out in January, the shitty month where studios dump their shitty shit movies. There are some exceptions, (see Split) … Continue reading Underwater – Wet ‘N Wild Movie Review →

My Review of Three “True Story” Movies That I Don’t Feel Qualified to Review (Richard Jewell, Dark Waters, and The Report)

Richard Jewell, Dark Waters, and The Report are three movies that I liked, but don’t know if I’m allowed to. This is because they are all movies based on real events that I know jack-shit about. So, I’m going to go through them one at a time and say why I liked them, and show … Continue reading My Review of Three “True Story” Movies That I Don’t Feel Qualified to Review (Richard Jewell, Dark Waters, and The Report) →

I Lost My Body – Movie Review

I Lost My Body is a French animated romance film that heavily features a disembodied hand. I could not have been more excited. And it delivers. Tragically, most people associate animation with children's content. This is super sad, not only because these people are missing out on a lot of dope flicks, it's sad because … Continue reading I Lost My Body – Movie Review →

Playmobil: The Movie – Movie Review

Yes, there is a Playmobil movie. Yes, it was released in theaters. Yes, I was the only one in said theater. Yes, it's a ripoff of the LEGO Movie. Yes, it is a gigantic critical and commercial failure. And yes, I kind of liked it. It's dumb, it's got some groaners here and there, and … Continue reading Playmobil: The Movie – Movie Review →

“The Lodge” Makes Me Angry – Movie Review

The Lodge is riding on the wave of "high-brow horror" that movies like Hereditary, Get Out, and It Follows have created. But it is an impostor. It does not belong on that wave. It is hiding under a beautiful mask, but if you peel that off, what's left is a pretentious mess that has no … Continue reading “The Lodge” Makes Me Angry – Movie Review →