MovieMort’s Academy Awards 2020: What The Oscar Nominations Would Look Like If They Were Correct

I've seen 119 movies that came out in 2019. Here are my Oscar Nominations. The real Oscars are tonight, but they got it completely wrong because it wasn't exactly my picks. Disgusting. My winners are bold, and my runnerups are slanty boys. BEST PICTURE I Lost My Body Jojo Rabbit Joker Little Women Marriage Story Once … Continue reading MovieMort’s Academy Awards 2020: What The Oscar Nominations Would Look Like If They Were Correct

January Movie Review 6-Pack (The Gentlemen, The 40-Year-Old Version, Gretel and Hansel, and More!)

Uh oh! I slacked off again! Here are my quick thoughts on six flicks I saw in January, in order of how much I liked them. The Gentlemen After the incredibly successful 2019 Aladdin, director Guy Ritchie has returned to form and made a stylized shooty gun movie. Thank Hollywood Heaven for that, because this … Continue reading January Movie Review 6-Pack (The Gentlemen, The 40-Year-Old Version, Gretel and Hansel, and More!)

Bad Boys For Life – Shooty Shooty Movie Review

These boys did some shooting, and these boys did some cussing. MASTAPEECE! 10/10 PICTURE! That was, as said in Bad Boys For Life, a "little jokey-joke". Except for the first part. The boys do kill and swear. But it's far from MASTAPEECE status. This third entry in the Bad Boys franchise follows Mike (Will Smiff) … Continue reading Bad Boys For Life – Shooty Shooty Movie Review

The Movie ‘Dolittle’ Made Me Want To Die – Movie Review

(Warning: More No-No-Words Will Be Used in this Review Than Usual) The very first advance movie screening I went to was for Mr. Peabody and Sherman in 2014. My dad worked at a newspaper then, and the movie reviewer couldn't make it to the screening, so he gave us his tickets. At that time, I … Continue reading The Movie ‘Dolittle’ Made Me Want To Die – Movie Review

Weathering With You – Incomplete Movie Review

Weathering With You is a strikingly beautiful and intensely relatable sophomore feature from director Makoto Shinkai about weather and love. Your Name, Shinkai's first film, is the highest grossing anime film of all time as well as one of the best reviewed movies of 2016. I haven't seen Your Name, because I'm an awful person, … Continue reading Weathering With You – Incomplete Movie Review

‘Like a Boss’ is a Movie I Watched – Movie Review

When Like a Boss' credits rolled, I experienced something I had never experienced before in my extensive career of moviegoing. I could feel the movie leaving my brain. I felt an actual sensation in my noggin that could only be explained by the events of Like a Boss fleeing my memory. This may be the … Continue reading ‘Like a Boss’ is a Movie I Watched – Movie Review

I Have a Bit of a Grudge With ‘The Grudge’ (2020) – Movie Review

The Grudge is a very cliche and very not good movie that held my interest because of its amazingly talented cast and interesting use of time. It weaves four mediocre stories together in a way that switches between feeling really clever, and super surface-level and rushed. But it was always watchable for me because each … Continue reading I Have a Bit of a Grudge With ‘The Grudge’ (2020) – Movie Review

Underwater – Wet ‘N Wild Movie Review

Underwater is a claustrophobic horror film that takes place 7 miles underwater. (Jeepers, that’s the title!) If this came out in any other month, I’d be pretty excited for this flick. But it doesn’t. It came out in January, the shitty month where studios dump their shitty shit movies. There are some exceptions, (see Split) … Continue reading Underwater – Wet ‘N Wild Movie Review

My Review of Three “True Story” Movies That I Don’t Feel Qualified to Review (Richard Jewell, Dark Waters, and The Report)

Richard Jewell, Dark Waters, and The Report are three movies that I liked, but don’t know if I’m allowed to. This is because they are all movies based on real events that I know jack-shit about. So, I’m going to go through them one at a time and say why I liked them, and show … Continue reading My Review of Three “True Story” Movies That I Don’t Feel Qualified to Review (Richard Jewell, Dark Waters, and The Report)

I Lost My Body – Movie Review

I Lost My Body is a French animated romance film that heavily features a disembodied hand. I could not have been more excited. And it delivers. Tragically, most people associate animation with children's content. This is super sad, not only because these people are missing out on a lot of dope flicks, it's sad because … Continue reading I Lost My Body – Movie Review